Learning to Walk Again
#101
Friend,
“How can I walk when half of me is gone?”
And in that one sentence, I began to emphathize with a man in his late 80s who had recently lost his wife of over 60 years. I remember sitting in the sanctuary at First Methodist Church in Tulsa when Rev. Larry Eddings said those words (and some others that I still hold onto.) on Sunday evening.
I had been a pastor for about 10 years, and had done numerous funerals, but didn’t see the perspective of widows and widowers until that evening. Since then, I know that losing a spouse is one of the most difficult transitions anyone can experience.
Not only is there the grief that can overwhelm you, reminders of them are everywhere you go, but also you have to “learn to live again”1 The quiet house, the paying of the bills, the going to church, or as Larry said, “How can I walk when half of me is gone?”
One of the biblical mandates repeated in scripture is to care for orphans and widows.2 These people were both vulnerable and experiencing a high level of trauma. James, the brother of Jesus (and whose mom was a widow), said it clearly, “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”3
Last Spring, our church (Christ Church on Harvard) heard a presentation from a local ministry Stand in the Gap. Stand in the Gap serves orphans, prisoners, and widows. As they were sharing about the needs of widows, one of the stats that caught my eye was that 50% of widows leave their church after their husbands passing. Apparently, learning to church again is hard.
One of our church members who is a widow felt called and compelled to start a Widows group in our church (which is actually a part of our church’s history and DNA), and so we are having an initial gathering for people who are widows (currently we don’t have anything for people who are widowers) to connect to each other and to see what their needs are. Stand in the Gap has numerous options for ministry, and they will be there to share.
Here’s my invitation to any widows: We’d love to see you at 10:00 a.m. on Saturday, September 28th for Coffee, Cake, and Conversation at Christ Church on Harvard (35th and Harvard in Midtown Tulsa). Not near Tulsa? Stand in the Gap has groups and churches scattered around, and you can visit their website to see if there is a group near you.
You can learn to walk again, and you don’t have to do it alone. The people of God are here to help you.
Love,
Aaron
As always, there is a 90s country song for that. Garth has a great song “Learning to Live Again,” about a widower who is putting himself out there again and just the experience on going out on a first date again. “I’m gonna smile my best smile. I’m gonna laugh like it’s going out in style…”
These were the most vulnerable in the time of the Bible because the society was family-oriented, particularly male-family-oriented. The Patriarch was responsible to provide for the people in his care, however if someone lost their husband (or their father), then they lost their place in a home, leaving them with no “default” place to land. So throughout the scriptures, God reminds his people to care for those who don’t have a default place. We can also add immigrants and prisoners to that list of repeated individuals to care for in scripture.
James 1:27