Friend,
In college, I was on an intermural basketball team named the Circuit Riders.1 We were made up of youth directors, religion majors, and people who liked basketball, loved Jesus, and busy on Sunday mornings.
The undisputed highlight of the season is when we only had 4 players and won a game playing 4 on 5.
The undisputed lowlight of the season was the end-of-the-season tournament, which I was shocked to find out when the schedule was released it was on Sunday morning.
Reading that email, I was livid.
We were a church-related institution, how could they schedule something at such a “holy time”?2 Don’t they know that we can’t play? Isn’t Sunday morning still sacred?!?
I’m sure you’ve been there: Angry, upset, and wanting to put someone in their place.
So, I sat down at my computer and wrote one of those emails. You know the email. The one that is 95% emotional, 3% logical, and 2% grammatical errors. I wanted the leadership to know they were wrong, I was hurt, and they should fix it forever.
It felt so good to get my anger out.
Thankfully, instead of sending it to the leadership, I sent it to our Wesley Foundation director Brett Thomasson. This was not out of wisdom or a desire for it to be edited, but so he would join me!
Brett was kind to me, as he replied that an email full of fury is good to write, but not always good to send. People don’t always handle those emails well, as they get more defensive or you are seen as irrational. Instead, Brett taught me a valuable lesson:
Always write the first email, never send the first email.
However, we sometimes think that we should have the same practice with God. We don’t feel that we can pray with our fury. We can’t approach God with our complaints. We have to remain proper, but I learned this valuable truth from Scott Cormode at Fuller Seminary,
God can handle your honesty, including and especially your anger.
What does that mean?
You can send God the first email. You should send God the first email.
If you are angry with him, tell him. He’s been told that before. If you are angry with another person and you wish they would experience the same pain that you are feeling, tell him. In fact, we have a holy word for it:
Lament.
The Psalms are full of it. There is a book of the Bible dedicated to it, and Jesus practiced it.
God can handle your honesty, including and especially your anger.
So, let God have it. Because when you bring your honesty to God, you get yourself to God, which ultimately is what God desires the most.
Love,
Aaron
P.S. Did you ever send that email?!?
I took a day, took Brett’s suggestion, and sent an honest email (with less fury than the original) with my hope that they wouldn’t schedule stuff on Sunday morning in the future to the intermural director (and his boss). They both apologized to me, agreed not to schedule things on Sunday morning in the future, and we had a positive relationship moving forward.
The only appropriate name for a team formed out of the Wesley Foundation. Also thanks to Keith Cooper for coming up for the name for our coed church softball team a few years prior.
During the intermural flag football season, we took OU-Texas weekend off, which if you live in Oklahoma, you know is actually the most sacred day in the entire year.
When I read you, I sound wise. Thanks, Aaron.